This is a weird thing to consider, because I never thought about it at any stage of my life. I spent so much energy making sure (unsuccessfully) that people didn’t hurt me that when I was safe I didn’t see the void.
My therapist had told me about ourtime.com, but I definitely don’t want to look for a relationship. That isn’t something I could ever consciously do. If one happens down the road, fine. When I saw the OurTime ad, it really pissed me off anyway. All the women were 18 years old with dyed gray hair and three crows-feet lines drawn with an eyeliner pencil talking about entering the best years of their lives.
Plus, if I am lonely, wouldn’t it be like going to the supermarket when you’re hungry and coming home with Cheetos and three flavors of Milanos? If Charles Manson responded to my profile, put concealer over his swastika-ed forehead and finally got parole, I know I would say, “Yes, please come over and watch Jeopardy! with me.” Family time.
This session my therapist suggested Meetup. It was my homework to check it out. I did and found a spiritual book group that meets weekly a mile from my house. I had to order the book they’re currently reading online so I don’t know if I’ll wait until I get it or see if I could go anyway.
I’m trying. I have tried to join a few groups so far that didn’t work out. But I guess as long as I keep trying things that have potential something will click.
My therapist’s suggestion is to connect with people that give back.
That does sound like fun.
January 10, 2013 at 10:01 pm
Ah, yes. The Milanos. Very good, actually, and much better than some people I know. Still….
I think after 22 years of working essentially alone, my meter has shifted. I’m not nearly so distressed by an increasingly solitary existence. I think age has something to do with it, too. I’m not at the point where I need assistance, so that’s not an issue, but I’m aware that with relatively little time left – 20 or 25 years, probably – I am not about to be bored by anyone.
There are some pretty active meetup groups around here, though. Dancing, writing, museum-going – that kind of stuff. I belonged to a group that went out for dinner every Friday night, but gave that up when I realized it was more expensive than I could really afford. Besides that, most of them were boaters, and I’ve moved beyond that, too.
It’s too danged bad we’re too far apart for dinner and a glass of wine!
January 14, 2013 at 9:42 am
That would be fun! For some reason, I’m getting email for meetups in NYC, so maybe Texas will be next!