I wish you all the best.

I hope you find a woman who wears Christmas sweatshirts with ironed on, festive characters during the holiday season—from November 1 through the end of the year. I hope Rudolph’s nose is three-dimensional—as in a big red pompom.

I hope if you double-date, she sits with her lady friend in the back and you can chat with your buddy in the front.

I hope she wears those see-through plastic things over her hair when it’s rainy and every week after she gets her hair done.

I hope most of this lady’s recipes include Cool Whip. I hope many of them include cubes of Jell-O.

I hope she’s as sweet as she can be, too.

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