The other day, I was talking to a friend who is also going through a divorce. I was feeling like crap, and he said he just does what I had suggested to him and he doesn’t feel like crap.

I think I know what the problem is here. I also think I’m going to eventually forget that I figured out what the problem is here.

This is the problem: We’re like that hair that keeps sticking up. We have to keep gelling it down. All this inspirational stuff is great. It’s even true. But using it doesn’t come naturally without us consciously looking at the big picture.

I think our default is reacting to whatever crap is happening in the small picture. I think eventually stuff we’re worrying about becomes insignificant or boring. One day I will realize that my STBX’s rejection hasn’t hurt me for two months in a row. But some other issue will take its place, and I’ll need to consciously look at the big picture in life to help deal with that.

Self-help books are great. Just think of them as reference books.