I had said many times “I’m never going to move. I’m gonna die in this house. They’re going to have to carry my dead body down the stairs.” That last line was never realistic, since my bedroom is downstairs. I think that idea came from my being told that old houses have stairs that are a direct line to a door for carrying the caskets out.

“‘Til death do us part” was my commitment to this house. I’m not sure if I’m breaking my vow to it or vice-versa. The promise was based upon the idea that my husband and I would work as partners and create a home. This place is too much to keep up with and I’m having a birthday this weekend and expect that each year I’ll get a little closer to not being able to do shit.

I am doing all I can to maintain the house and property, which I see as my commitment to the half that I own. Enhancing a house happens when it doesn’t take all your time to just maintain it.

The thing is—I always hear about people fixing up their houses to sell. I know that is financially reasonable and mature “in today’s market”, but to me it’s like offering to pay for my STBX to have a makeover for his next relationship. If this house is good enough for me, I don’t feel like primping it up for some other family. Is the next bitch any better than me that she can’t deal with the floor sinking a little in front of the kitchen sink? Yeah, the back porch smells musty sometimes. I don’t know the cause. Just spray something and go on with your day, lady. As far as housekeeping, it will be clean the way a house is clean when a person works 40 hours a week with a teenager and no spouse. Don’t you have a good imagination? When the realtor takes you through, just picture how it will look when it’s clean to your standards

I don’t know what my legal obligations will be when we put it on the market, but if my STBX with no job or dependants wants to knock himself out and get the house ready he can go for it. I tried to make it a home for years. I’m done and will be putting my heart and effort into a healthy new home. We’ve got lawyers, the professionals helping us end our marriage. If he doesn’t want to get off his butt, we can hire more professionals to get the house ready so we can break up the home.