From what I understand, when the Plaintiff and I go for mediation, the judge will travel between two rooms, like a page, as we opposing parties attempt to divide and conquer the situation. This will cost $150 up front plus $150 an hour, not counting the lawyer fees. I hope the judge walks fast but carefully enough to avoid tripping over the robe. I guess most times if the two litigants are in the same room, the snide remarks and/or brawling would be more time-consuming anyway. I don’t know how much the Plaintiff wants to chat about end tables at $150 an hour. Save words like “exquisitely crafted” and “fine veneer” for the Showcase Showdown, please, and let’s talk about our daughter’s future.

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