The problem with my not being a normal kid growing up is that I don’t know how to raise one.

For example, I liked veggies, juice, and all the natural foods when I was a child. I liked the not-so-nutritious stuff—especially sweets—but I wanted to eat healthful stuff most of the time. Until my planet calls me back, I have the job of raising a teenager of the Planet Earth. People tell me it’s typical that a teen will want to eat a balanced diet. That she’ll balance equal amounts of soda (known down South as “drinks”) and chips and call it a meal.

I walk the inner area of the supermarket, Land of the Processed, cursing early influences of Cartoon Network, whose sponsors molded my child into a consumer who wouldn’t eat anything not promoted by an animated character. Danimals succeeded in spilling their propaganda into the outer aisle. Economically making homemade yogurt drinks just wouldn’t cut it for my kid. By the way, in checking out the spelling of Danimals, I found their website, Danimals Land, where there are many clickable areas in their online carnival. There is even encouragement for parents who used to eat yogurt in a bowl for its own sake.

I don’t go overboard. I bake often, albeit using a lot of whole wheat flour. My daughter eats her share of junk food while I gently provide and recommend the good stuff. But I need some help.

Is there a Manga artist out there who can design an appealing character and slap its face onto a nice bundle of bok choy?