I learned in Driver’s Ed that I was supposed to drive with “due caution and circumspection”, so I frequently check my rearview and side mirrors.

When I’m not driving, I sometimes look back for guidance on how to go forward. Sometimes the side mirror may not be dependable when looking back. Were things more f**ked up than they seem to appear?

I see the sincerely loving look in my STBX’s eyes when he said the vows. I remember a loving dad, who taught our daughter the letters EF & G after a bad night of sleep apnea.

I don’t know how to integrate those images with the sight of his signature under lies. I don’t know how this person does not phone or send a card to our daughter on her 16th birthday.

He’d been complaining for years how his writing has turned shaky. Yet his signature under his request for a divorce was very smooth. And the one under the out-and-out lies looks like it would win an award from Austin Norman Palmer. He really takes his time to sign these complaints.

When I saw the latest signature, something changed. I saw now. If it were possible for someone to hand me a pie chart showing the percentage of him changing and the percentage of my emotional blindness for 27 years, that knowledge would make absolutely no f**king difference. In 2010, he wants to be rid of us, and to get whatever he can, even if it involves lying.

I’ve turned a corner. And I’m not using those images from our past. They’re not helpful in driving safely ahead.

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