I don’t think it’s healthy to let the fact that my STBX is being cruel to our daughter and me tarnish the picture of the positive experiences we’ve had in the past, but it’s so hard to juxtapose the two. Yesterday I was thinking that all the things I love about him have to do with my ability to appreciate another person. All of a sudden I thought of the song from the 1930’s, They Can’t Take That Away from Me. I so want those 25 years of my life to be mine. When I looked up the lyrics, something struck me about them. The song is about loving. It is NOT about being loved.


They Can’t Take That Away from Me

by George and Ira Gershwin

There are many, many crazy things
That will keep me loving you.
And with your permission
May I list a few:

The way you wear your hat.
The way you sip your tea.
The memory of all that.
No, no they can’t take that away from me.

The way your smile just beams.
The way you sing off-key.
The way you haunt my dreams.
No, no they can’t take that away from me.

We may never, never meet again on that bumpy road to love.
But I’ll always, always keep the memory of:

The way you hold your knife.
The way we danced ‘til three.
The way you changed my life.
No, no they can’t take that away from me.
No, they can’t take that away from me.


So when I think about how my husband looked like he was being continuously startled when he danced a fast song, how he constantly made up weird new nicknames for us (pets included), or how he would get mad when Mythology was a category and would yell fake god and goddess names (like Doopheus) at Alex Trebec, these endearing memories are real and OK and mine.