This is a big deal for me. I always wanted to “be a writer”. The only thing holding me back was that I didn’t write.

My STBX would tell me that he wanted me to write because he knew it was important to me. I still have a card he gave me encouraging me to do so.

I would wake up in the middle of the night every so often, terrified that I would die without writing.

I’m not blaming anyone, because no one can make you cut yourself off from yourself. But right after he left, I started writing. All of a sudden, the barrier was lifted. The barrier was a mindset, beginning from childhood, that my feelings were wrong. After my STBX left, I stopped reprocessing my feelings to blend well with him. There they were–wanting expression and connection.

So now I won’t shut up, and my daughter and I are going to celebrate by going out to dinner this weekend.

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