Dear Doris, Hazel, Mildred, Ethel, whatever your names are…..,

You’re in my STBX’s peer group, so maybe you can help him check his cell phone messages. He hasn’t had success in listening to his cell phone messages. Learning to check messages is about communication, so it’s not learnable, like, say, using a remote. Those TV’s aren’t ever the least bit emotionally needy like friends and families can be at times. Anyway, there was a message on my home answering machine from the Y for him, which the caller said she also left on his cell voicemail. It had great news: Tickets are still available!  All he has to do is go to the box office.

I’m kind of busy keeping the whole life we started here going– yard work, parenting a teen with issues, cooking, cleaning, working full time outside the home, etc. Since you guys don’t have all that to do, maybe you can give him this important message so he doesn’t miss this relaxing time in the middle of his relaxing life.

You wouldn’t mind, right? I’m sure you’ve seen him at the senior lunches or the senior water exercise classes at the Y and thought him to be very nice. I would like to beat him with one of those wet noodles, but that’s just my fantasy. You may think, to use a phrase of yours, that he’s a “good catch”. In keeping with the family values always advertised at the Y, he will be friendly with your grandkids. He likes grandkids better than kids. You know, that “you can always send them home” thing.

Well, I guess it’s another bus trip sponsored by the Y. I am no longer a member, since he cancelled our membership during our marriage because he didn’t think we could afford it. Boy, I can really tell how not going to yoga since then has affected me, but I can’t afford the luxury of a membership. I need to watch my spending because I have our daughter to raise. My stretching is in the form of yard work and my relaxation is known as sleeping. Namaste, b*tches!

I hope you all enjoy the event, and I wish you all a day of pleasant fellowship.

Sincerely,

The Parent Who Didn’t Retire from Parenting

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