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I was married 25 years and was wrong about my husband. People I’ve trusted the last couple of years have turned on me.

So now it’s time to widen my social circle? Am I really qualified to know who to let in?

Yesterday in the food store some guy started talking to me in the pet aisle. Why is somebody talking to me? He was really old. Why is some old guy talking to me? Then I remembered he’s about my age. He was pretty witty so I was witty back. But I had heard him talking loudly before he was talking to me. I wonder if he had been talking to himself. Maybe he’d been talking to someone else. Stalking someone else? Maybe even stalking himself?

I used to feel competent knowing if people were weird. If someone would have come on strong and I had a wedding ring on that would be weird. They would be weird because they wouldn’t be respecting me. Now I don’t have a wedding ring on so I can’t screen them out.

Before I got married and I was in my 20’s, if someone a lot older hit on me it would have sounded the weird alarm. If I got to know them first the age difference would be OK. Is that age discrimination?

Now I wonder why anyone would hit on a 57-year-old woman unless they’re weird.  I have age discrimination against myself.  What is hitting on when you’re 57? I don’t drive well at night so what do you want from me? Oh, maybe you just want to be witty and me be witty back and we go on to our next aisles. That’s OK. That’s not weird.

Things were safe being married. Flirting was fine but that was the limit. Now I don’t have that safe island. Right now I still want to be on that safe island even though my ring has been in the little drawer for a long time. I don’t know how old people are supposed to act in this situation. I know it was immature, but thinking about old people in relationships when I was in my 20’s was gross, and now I just seem to be picking up where I left off with that attitude. The problem is that now I’m one of the old people. I didn’t feel like this being married because we started out younger and grew older together.

I know this doesn’t make sense, but it’s OK to blog about this, since on my “About” page I write about my blog being a place for confusion.

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