The card came right when I needed it most. All the evidence points to my ex being on his way, and I felt stuck.

On the cover was a picture of my ex. He wouldn’t have been my ex if I had known him when this picture was taken, because I would simply have laughed in his face and gone on with my life. It was before we’d met (he worked with my sister), and a few days before he went on a single’s cruise after his first divorce. In all fairness before I write the following, I ask you to consider hair fashion trends in the late 70’s. He had gotten a perm for the cruise. His first ex is a hairdresser, and her friend did the damage. Such revenge was legal in those days.

On the card, he’s accepting a large serving of lobster with some kind of fixin’, but those blurry film pictures from the 70’s make the side dish hard to distinguish. It could be Shrimp Creole or it could be blood clots over rice. He’d be pleased either way, except for that fresh, green vegetable garnish that he’d throw aside. My sister put a callout of “Thank you, Inga!” (her name for the potential new Mrs.) with the caption:

Divorce has been kind to (my ex’s name)…

The inside of the card shows a close-up of my ghoulish face taken at one of our Halloween parties when I dressed as Death Warmed Over. Unfortunately, other than the gray teeth, the image wasn’t too far from my self-image on Saturday. Its caption:

What the hell happened to you?

After I was finally able to speak after literally LOLing, I called my sis to thank her for a great laugh.

And for not being afraid to ask the tough questions!

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