When I used to sign my new name when it was my old name, I had more time to do it. I was in my twenties and had two responsibilities: work and myself.

After marriage I took on more responsibilities and more letters. The nature of my jobs required me to sign my name and initials a lot. I finally came up with a really fast way. I distinctly remember the day I realized how much time I’d save omitting three periods every time I signed my initials. This is why I was able to invent world peace.

My quickly-signed middle initial used to look sophisticated, but was too sleek to be legible. Now I have to give up sleek because that letter has been reinstated as the first letter of my last name, and I want people to know what that name is. If I keep the “C” in “Claudia” sleek and mix it with a loopy first letter for the last name it looks stupid. But who has time to loop everything?

Meanwhile, every time I do this experiment it looks like yet another person is signing my name. Even though I’m down to just a first and last name, it’s taking forever. And everything I’m trying keeps looking stupid.

Can’t I just put an “X” and get a witness?