Today, I celebrate my first year of blogging. It feels great throwing words out into cyberspace and catching those of others. I’ve found some fascinating blogs and bloggers!

Blogging has given me a wonderful opportunity to express myself in words. Once my ex moved out, I was instantly able to articulate my feelings. Expressing myself in action—not so easy. As a homebody, it’s very difficult to nudge myself out of the house when a job is already keeping me away so much. But, luckily for the long run, there are two things that are going to push me out.

The first one is the fact that my interaction with most of the people I work with is uncomfortable, so the job as a social outlet isn’t cutting it. I work in a very toxic environment. I enjoy some of the coworkers that don’t work in my immediate area and am able to maintain a surface relationship with the ones that do. But, by and large, my job, people-wise, is very f**ked up. The second shove will come from living in a home with a teen. My role is parent, not pal, so, although I know my daughter loves me deeply, she usually doesn’t know that she even likes me, especially when I make her responsible for her responsibilities. As a single woman, I don’t have another adult at home who likes me.

How important is it for people to like you? I often intellectualize myself out of its being necessary: As long as I love myself and others. But lately, I find the simple lyrics of Everybody by Ingrid Michaelson          

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TlFCfkyuQM0 

taunting me from the CarMax commercial.

Tomorrow, I’m going to the Unitarian Church in the city near me. I’ve been there for a couple of events, but have not stayed for the get-together after the service, drinking coffee out of a red cup that will tell everyone that I’m the new girl. I haven’t yet signed up to receive information on membership. Although I am very sociable, I resist being out when I’m craving security. But tomorrow, red mug in hand, I’ll be asking about volunteer opportunities and trying to remember names.

I’m like the pet dog who wants to hide under the bed when the house is on fire. The only thing that will help him and me is lots of fresh air.

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