I think that our good qualities are also our bad qualities.

I’m very organized. I like to do things ahead of time, and my brain has little slots, fitting plans in, with mood-related alternates standing by. While my car is being fixed today, I would write a post if the Muses were hanging out here. If they were having breakfast with Nora Roberts, I was just going to get some financial stuff organized. A little slot of time before having to go somewhere is usually efficiently used, perhaps getting tomorrow’s clothes-to-wear hanging on the hook in my bedroom. I’m great to have around. I get things done. Done well.

Can you see how someone like me can also be a pain in the ass?

And the main person I can be a pain in the ass to is myself.

I stayed on track, getting good grades. Many a beautiful day found me indoors, working on a paper while my intuitively-smart sister was outdoors playing kickball with the neighbor kids. Then when I was a senior in college, I just couldn’t send out teaching applications. I just stopped. All the years doing what I thought I should do simply stopped cold. Shut up, Pain in the Ass. This is intuitive Claudia, and I refuse to do this. No questions to be asked by you, Pain in the Ass.

I kept trying to be the Best Wife. Theoretically I had a good marriage. Then it all fell down in one night, like someone who thinks she broke her hip whose disintegrated bones really broke her.

I’m starting to watch more TV. Quality TV, but TV just the same. In my gut, I just know to DVR a movie and watch it when I have too many things to do.

Why? Because if you balance your checkbook to the penny, think your insurance coverage is foolproof, make sure your kid will be a certain kind of happy, it will all fall apart. It will because it’s the nature of Life to fall apart. It’s not bad—just different from what the Pain in the Ass expected.

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