Thanks for the lubrication while you f**k us up the a**.

Yesterday was the day we all signed up for our new health insurance. We met in groups of 8 or so and the insurance company representative gave us the spiel. In the middle of the table were a pile of pens and a pile of the above. Then, we were to make decisions and sign on the line (we can make changes until Wednesday) while some us asked questions amid a flurry of shuffling papers and the distraction of others’ questions. When our group met, we all, including the presenters, were running late for lunch, so imagine the tone that sets. All this took place in the middle of our annual Staff Development Day, meant to energize employees and learn new skills. The director felt more comfortable not asking the salesperson for the insurance company to travel to each branch. Inconvenience to us, the customer, meant he wouldn’t have to be assertive.

In all fairness, the broker was very diligent in trying to answer my questions earlier in the week. When I got only the basics in the limited edition packet we received a week ago, I just called her ahead of time. But neither she nor the representative was able to answer everything. So last night I gathered more info and will call the broker Monday to clarify things. But, regardless of the answers to my questions, I know I picked the option with the smoothest a** f**king.

As I perused the glossy brochure with its pleasant fonts and colors, though, I realized I’m a royal bitch. First of all, as I mentioned in my last post, I’m supposed to feel that we’re all in this together, even the people who make lots more money than I who are covered by their spouse’s insurance. Also, I’m lucky to have a job so I shouldn’t care that the employees who don’t do their jobs are financially draining us when we could use the money for decent insurance. And, on the national level, I really enjoyed that war in Iraq. It was worth every penny. But what really made me realize how bitchy I am is when I saw all the happy people in the brochure. People of all races, creeds, and ages. Many of them eating apples or near bowls of apples. Also, me not appreciating information I will be privy to as a member, such as “It’s important to take the time to be healthy.” Along with that resource are links to websites of yet more apple-eating people with a wealth of more tips, like the fact that exercise is good for you and it’s wise to breathe deeply if you’re stressed. Why should I mind the fact that I would have to pay $2,000 in premiums and reach a $4,000 deductible to choose the plan where I can see a doctor not on their provider list and have them pay half? The representative said most people don’t go to out-of-network doctors anyway.  So I’ll just be the type whose every problem is solved in FAQ lists and I should be just fine.

Shove it up a little higher. OK. I don’t feel a thing. Except thankful.