My driving directions to Starting Over

Starting Location: the end of a long marriage

——– 24.4 years ——–

Take Separation Street, through the social agencies and family counseling attempts. Try to work things out. Communicate, send gifts, etc. to husband and his “side” of the family. Don’t take it personally when co-workers, etc. make disparaging remarks like they feel sorry for your husband because it isn’t really abusive behavior.

When things start going badly at work, you need to stay on the High Road there, too, because this is no time to make a move.

——–1.5 years ——–

Separation Street becomes Divorce Boulevard.

When certain “friends” you had as a couple and his “side” of the family stop calling the exact time your STBX files for divorce, do not take it personally and express anger toward them. When your stepson includes you in the group email with pics of their kids having fun at the children’s museum right by your home and you’ve never even met the youngest one who will turn two in November, don’t take it personally and express your anger. Don’t take it personally when co-workers, etc. make disparaging remarks like it takes two to divorce even though you didn’t file or want it.

When work gets worse, know you have to suck it up because of limited options.

——– .8 years ——–

Take Exit 50-50 (even though your ex makes more than you and you are raising your kid). Drive past the Equitable Distribution Center to Sellhouse Street.

——– .9 years ——–

 You will know you are here when everyone talks about your home as a thing. When your ex tells the realtor that the 120-year-old black walnut tree is valuable because the wood makes excellent gunstock, it’s okay to state that you think trees are more valuable when they are alive, but don’t let that knife that is always in your gut that turns 360 degrees during times like this cause you to act out, since this is a business deal.  

——– 15 minutes ——–

When the realtor leaves and your ex says he is going to see his attorney to get a “time frame” for you and your daughter to get out of the house instead of agreeing to the wording the realtor put in the listing agreement to give you and your daughter a chance to find a safe, suitable place to live, keep straight on…

NO, WAIT! You’re overheating and need to pull off onto El Camino Real.

Tell your ex that you just want to make sure you and your daughter don’t have to scramble and end up in a slum. When he blames you for everything, tell him the facts: He left the family. Yell and let out your appropriate anger. This is appropriate. The anger does not belong inside your gut.

——– 1 hour, 30 minutes ——–

Later that day, well after your ex is gone, go into the fetal position and yell:

It’s NOT OK!

None if this is OK!

Work is NOT OK!

What your ex did is NOT OK!

The lack of support is NOT OK!

Go through a box of tissues. Realize that, even though you’ll be without a job, it’s time to leave the negativity.

——– ASAP——–

Continue onto New Jersey Turnpike North…

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