This morning, there was a knock at the door. I wasn’t at my cognitive best. After a day of getting teary-eyed watching clips of Bobby Hurley, Grant Hill, and Christian Laettner, only to have had to Duke Duke Duke Duke Duke my bracket sheet last night, my concept of reality was shaky at best.

I saw a well-worn bible, followed by a man who doesn’t sweat in the heat, with a woman in a skirt in the background.

He gives me a handout, and tells me about the anniversary of Jesus’ death. He doesn’t use the “E” word for this time of year, so before I even looked at the pamphlet I figured they’re Jehovah’s Witnesses.

I just thank them for their invitation to their event on April 5. I usually like talking to people about religious beliefs, and have worked with two Witnesses and enjoyed the debates, but after yesterday’s Freaky Friday, I just wanted to take a shower and put on some green…

Wait a minute. They were already driving away when I realized this guy had on a bright green shirt. Not a muted, toned down I-coincidentally-pulled-it-off-the-hanger-today green. Vivid green. On Saint Patrick’s Day. Promoting a religion that does not celebrate holidays.

I wish I could have called him on it in time.

Trying not to alienate the public? Jesus was tortured and died for your sins, but afraid you might get pinched?

I didn’t even realize it was a holiday.

Then what about that shamrock you’re wearing?

What? Oh, that’s a clover leaf. We were landscaping the grounds of the Kingdom Hall.

You’re not even sweaty. Oh yeah, people that hand out religious pamphlets do always look crisp wearing suits in 95 degree weather. Sorry about that one. But how do you explain that rainbow and pot of gold in the background?

The weather? Well, the Lord works in mysterious ways…

A pot of gold with bad NCAA picks. Maybe I should go to this April 5 talk after all.

But I’m afraid that the problem is that, again, everything you get in this county is the dumbed-down version. Even having your weekends violated is done half-assed with a couple of Witness Wannabes.

Had I invited them in for conversation over a bowl of peeps, I think they would have taken me up on it.

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