Principal: Charlie Darwin, Mr. um, is God your first or last name?

God: Both. I only have the one name. You know, like Sting. Or Cher.

Principal: Oh, OK. Gentlemen, come in. Please, sit down. Now, I understand there’s some problem between the two of you regarding your senior projects?

Darwin: Yeah. When I was about to hand in my paper about how all living things became what they are, he barges into my classroom and tells my teacher that his project was that he made them all. From scratch!

God: It was my art project.

Darwin: It’s bullshit.

God: Yeah, plus the bull. Plus the cow. I made them all. I busted my ass. I worked 6 days straight making not just the living things but everything.

Darwin: I researched my ass off! My friends said your lazy ass was hanging out at the mall Sunday.

God: So, I rested the 7th day after actually doing something Goddam it! I mean dammit.

Principal: Gentlemen, please. Mr. God, I mean God, I do think you are blessed with a lot of creativity…

Darwin: It’s Creationism. It’s not even legal in the schools.

Principal: True, God. This isn’t rural North Carolina, you know.

Darwin: He’s even messing with Tommy Huxley.

Principal: Didn’t he write Brave New W… Oh no, that was Aldous, sorry. I’ve been out of teaching for a while.

Darwin: Whatever. Yeah, Tom was presenting his paper and God here said he planted all those dinosaur bones for a joke.

God: I just don’t think it’s fair when I bust my butt actually making all this shit for my project and Charlie just passively waits for them to evolve for his!

Principal:  Look, I have a meeting.

God: Fine, I won’t hand mine in. As they say, I gave, and don’t be surprised if you wake up one morning and see I hath taken away.

Principal: See, now that wasn’t so hard. To be honest, your art teacher told me about the project and was only going to give you a B minus. Do you have something else you can hand in as your senior project?

God: Yeah. Either the Family Guy analysis or that thesis about why everything I say is taken so literally that there’s wars and all.

Principal: OK, we’re done here? Great. And Charlie, just a little hint for your paper. Your teacher will bump your grade up from an A minus to an A if you can come up with a good reason for male nipples.

God, under his breath: I put them there for a joke, too.

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