My new hummingbird setup is working great. No squirrels are jumping off the roof or doing pole dances up the shepherd’s pole to eat out of the inexpensive (in case they eventually crack the code) feeder.

After I put it up, it was only a day or two before it was party central. Then after a little less than a week, the food was snubbed. This always happens. One moment they’re all into the nectar and then suddenly it’s too old.

Wait a minute. Wait a human minute. Suddenly? Is that true?

Remember the Star Trek episode in the original series when the crew thought alien insects were whizzing by, but it turned out that the aliens were living many times faster than the rate of the Enterprise crew?

Yesterday I made really cool curtains for the kitchen, researched jobs online, applied for a job, made brunch and dinner, ran a couple of errands, talked on the phone, etc. I thought I had a full day.

But on hummingbird time, I was a lazy bitch. It was probably a total of ten human minutes before a couple of the birds told a couple more that the food was no longer fresh. By the time I noticed the inactivity, my five-star restaurant had been panned as a sleazy dump in the Hummingbird Press.

I’m sorry, hummingbirds! Like an upstanding restaurateur who doesn’t wait for the guests to come down with food poisoning before serving the fresh food, I promise to commit to the expense of ½ cup sugar and 2 cups of water every couple of days to win you back.