I repeated my vows with a mayor, not a clergyman. I didn’t get any god in on it. It was just from me.

The State of North Carolina decided I was no longer married while I was at the dentist getting my teeth cleaned.

The vow thing is the most confusing aspect of the divorce for me. It feels as though most of society is telling me to break promises– people who call marriage a sacrament included. Is it masochism or integrity that makes me fiercely defend my marriage vows?

My ex was recently diagnosed with stage 4 liver cancer. It has spread to the spine and lungs.

I get the updates, talk with him about his options, and tell him I love him. He doesn’t say he loves me back, but expresses appreciation for my caring for him after his heart attack a year after the divorce. He thanks me as he would someone who had done him a favor. I offer to take care of him now if he wants to move up here.

Our niece, who is really someone related to his first ex-wife, is the only person I still have from that side of the family. She says that my love and loyalty still matter to him.

I definitely do not want to be married to my ex. But, as an ex-wife who never filed, it feels like I have all of this caring and it has no place to go.