This is a weird thing to consider, because I never thought about it at any stage of my life. I spent so much energy making sure (unsuccessfully) that people didn’t hurt me that when I was safe I didn’t see the void.

My therapist had told me about ourtime.com, but I definitely don’t want to look for a relationship. That isn’t something I could ever consciously do. If one happens down the road, fine. When I saw the OurTime ad, it really pissed me off anyway. All the women were 18 years old with dyed gray hair and three crows-feet lines drawn with an eyeliner pencil talking about entering the best years of their lives.

Plus, if I am lonely, wouldn’t it be like going to the supermarket when you’re hungry and coming home with Cheetos and three flavors of Milanos? If Charles Manson responded to my profile, put concealer over his swastika-ed forehead and finally got parole, I know I would say, “Yes, please come over and watch Jeopardy! with me.” Family time.

This session my therapist suggested Meetup. It was my homework to check it out. I did and found a spiritual book group that meets weekly a mile from my house. I had to order the book they’re currently reading online so I don’t know if I’ll wait until I get it or see if I could go anyway.

I’m trying. I have tried to join a few groups so far that didn’t work out. But I guess as long as I keep trying things that have potential something will click.

My therapist’s suggestion is to connect with people that give back.

That does sound like fun.

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