Do you know who I am?

Yeah, you’re the guy I trained.

You recognize me?

Of course.

Really? I changed my shirt.

Whatever.

Randy, I am really the CEO of Let’s Grabba Burger. Anyway, when you showed me how frustrating it is while dealing with your entire family in ICU when you come to work and try to fill napkin holders that are stuffed so tightly that customers either can’t get one out or end up taking them all out, I knew I had to get with corporate. So, starting Monday—and I mean THIS Monday–all of our restaurants will be using pre-packaged napkin holder refills!

Whatever.

How about a hug? It’s an honor—hand me a tissue—an honor to have you working for our company.

 ˜

Phil, I know it’s tough working 6 full-time jobs to make ends meet. Believe me, I get it. Just last week our quarterly analysis meeting went an extra hour-and-a-half. That is why I made you this certificate: “Philip, a Really Great Employee”.

I spell my name with 2 l’s.

Oh, sorry. (He adds an “l” with his pen.) I made this myself in Microsoft Publisher using one of the certificate templates, but I changed the border to this gold filigree one. This is for you. You probably can get thumbtacks for it next door here at the card shop.

Thanks.

How about a hug?

No, I only have another 13 minutes on my lunch break and need to eat my sandwich.

Oh, I understand. It’s an honor…

Yeah, thanks.

˜

Marie, I know it’s not easy being on your feet all day when you have a medical condition where all your organs are falling out.

No, it’s a bit of a challenge.

That’s why, starting Monday, we will allow employees a reasonable number of bathroom breaks a week if they just raise their hand first. What do you say?

(She raises her hand.)

Not now, I’m not finished. Oh, ew, is that your duodenum? OK. It’s an honor. We can just skip the hug.

Advertisements