My claim for unemployment benefits is still pending. Even if I find I am qualified to collect, I really will continue trying hard to find a job. But I’m sure there are some who really don’t apply for appropriate employment. I imagine something like this:

Unemployment Insurance Claims Examiner: Are you actively seeking work?

Claimant: Yeah, I heard about a job opening the other day I’m trying to get.

UI Claims Examiner: Where?

Claimant: On every single channel. It interrupted every single program. So I sent in my resume. I’m hoping I have a chance and that there are a few openings with the company.

UI Claims Examiner: What are the positions?

Claimant: Pope. Or, hopefully, some popes.

UI Claims Examiner: What?

Claimant: Yeah, if there is more than one opening. I do know there is one. That guy with the tall, pointed, ornate hat gave notice. Even more than two weeks—probably because he’s following God’s orders and that’s what God would do if he ever gave notice, which would be interesting.

UI Claims Examiner: You’re supposed to be looking for real jobs within a 25-mile radius of your home.

Claimant: I figured I could work from home. You know, like pray in my house.

UI Claims Examiner: This is ridiculous!

Claimant: No, this hasn’t happened in 600 years. This is a rare opportunity. That’s why I may have slightly exaggerated my resume adding the papal experience.

UI Claims Examiner: This work search record is totally unacceptable. Do you even know Latin?

Claimant: I think that word fel….

UI Claims Examiner: Never mind!

Claimant: I thought I could work a while and then retire in prayer. Would I get benefits if I retired in prayer?

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