Since the fact that anyone would ever look at me with such love could only be attributed to magic, couldn’t magic make it possible for him to finally see the light?

After he died in January, the odds went from one in impossible to one in impossible minus magic.

And then there was the financial effect of being discarded.

But the Universe is kind, right? If life’s unfair in one arena, it will give you a gift in another.

I didn’t think I would collect unemployment benefits. Imagine what a burden was lifted off of me when I found out that I was eligible! A little help for my daughter and me until I can finish my phlebotomy course and get a job that would actually support us. See what happens when you trust the Universe—two weeks of benefits in my checking account as of Wednesday!

But then—a notice that there’s a problem. I call. I am not eligible. They made an error.

No, I made an error, I say to myself. I trusted.

I am crying, eating the whole tub of wasabi peas. I watch low-quality TV and eat most of the half-gallon of ice cream myself. That will show you, f**king Universe!

Speaking of low-quality TV, says the Universe, I don’t work like Let’s Make a Deal. Grow the f**k up.

This is what happens when you eat ice cream and wasabi peas during the same low-quality program—you hallucinate the Universe cussing you back.